Dating after loosing a spouse
I know some people will say that was too soon as well - and again, I didn't find it easy telling Neil's parents or friends - but it felt right to us, and we thought a new baby would be a wonderful way to cement our relationship.
Jessica Bemis is a full-time, working mom of two who lost her husband to testicular cancer in November 2011.
A post-mortem examination later classed the cause of death as Sudden Adult Death Syndrome - a fatal disturbance in the heart's rhythm, which can strike at any age, and which can affect even fit and healthy people. It was a dilemma, but in the end I decided to say yes, if only for a couple of hours away from being sad, in the company of someone who made me laugh.
I handled my twinges of guilt that it was too soon by reminding myself that Neil would not have wanted me to be alone.
Since then, Jessica has been sharing her story on her blog, Hope for Young Widows and working to bring awareness and hope to women and men who have lost their spouses to cancer.
Dating after the death of a spouse can be an awkward experience.
It is like when you have a breakup, there is that possibility of dating on the rebound. You don't want to end up with just anyone because you are lonely. But, I think if you feel you are ready, going out on a date-dinner, a movie, whatever, is ok. There aren't any rules; my gut feeling is that I'll begin to consider dating again when I don't feel married any longer. I'm also still emotionally drained after two year of caring for my husband as he went through various cancer treatments, and the ups and downs of remission and recurrence. I'm not the basket case I was nowadays, but of course my life partner is gone and frankly I'm pretty lonely. I wondered what others' experiences are/ were in this situation. I went threw the loss of my first wife in 1981 by way of a divorce, and it was the death of a marriage from that point on.
There is no manual that says that a certain amount of time has to pass before you can start dating. However, like others have already said, proceed with caution.It's my observation that men generally start dating before women because of loneliness.Not that women don't get lonely, but I think they turn to their friends in a way that men do not.“Often, family and friends will understand your wish to start dating, and sometimes they may provide good advice about when and how to start dating if they know you well.” Still, Brewer cautions, “If you are ready to start dating and you get a negative reaction from someone, realize that everyone has their own grief process and that others can experience grief in a different way than you do.Talking openly about your feelings with them may help them understand why you want to start dating, even if they don’t agree." Grief and a Child’s Reaction to a Parent Dating Children should be given special consideration when a parent starts to date.